Create the Life you Want

Use your mind to create the life you want. Do you have a goal to be happier or healthier? Is there something you wish for in your life? What are you doing about it? Do you want something you don’t have? Would you like to better appreciate the things you have?
Most people are unhappy because they feel incomplete. Either they regret the lack of something or they feel undeserving of some things they possess.

The key to happiness is to feel full and abundant, regardless of possessions or circumstances. That’s not to say you have to be satisfied with what you’ve got, with no prospects from “more”. Rather, happiness arises from balancing what you want against what you’re willing to do to get it. Most people justify their unhappy state by fixing blame on others; but the finger you point at “them” causes three to point back at you.

The biggest happiness challenge is to accept that there is only so much you are willing to give to achieve dreams of which you feel undeserving. Putting the blame on others conveniently avoids placing it where it really belongs.

People who have a lot can be generous, though it is surprising how few actually are. The founding philosophy Mrs. Fields Cookies—Good enough never is!—applies just as relevantly to the accumulation of money and ‘things’. Talk to anyone who earns a salary two to three times your own and they will express the same money woes. To wit, “If I can make just a little bit more, it will cover my expenses, allow me to get the remaining object of my desire, and allow me to be truly happy.” But just as they achieve that bit more, there is a parallel increase in expenses and a new object moves from attractive to indispensable. 

Beware of confusing beneficence and generosity. It is interesting how many benefactors turn stingy during years when the tax code changes in ways that fail to reward their generosity. The notable exceptions are those who give in the absence of recognition or ROI.
Of course giving need not be just monetary. If you are able to give away things, you feel abundant in things. If you can give away money, you feel rich in money. If you can give compliments, you feel rich in your own talents. If you can give away love, you abound in love. It is that simple. People who cannot give praise are afraid they will become less when they compliment someone. People who cannot forgive feel undeserving of forgiveness themselves. Therefore, if we want to learn positive language, we have to learn to imagine that we have positive energies within us. The simple strategy is to fake it till you make it. So, in order for you to be what you want to be, you must first desire it, have a goal, or two.

Goals are ideas that represent your desires. Goals are merely dreams and dreams will remain dreams if that is all you do with them. To reach goals, it is important to have a plan. Plans are maps to help you get to your destination.  Planning means scoping out the effort it takes to get to the goal. When you make a plan, you break the work into smaller, practical portions that are realistic and achievable. Planning also means finding the right resources to facilitate your goals. What do you need to carry out the plan, what tools, what people and who can help you? However, having goals and plans are not enough. You must ACT. Sometimes we put more energy into making up excuses not to do something than actually doing it. (Teaching college students, I heard very creative excuses for not completing assignments). Actions speak louder than words. Action means putting the plan in motion, even if it means doing a little every day.  Remember Yoda says, “There is no try, only do.” Every step counts. Every day of our lives is important. We create our future by the choices we make today.  So in order for the words we use to heal, we have to first set our intentions positively (goals), plan the right words (planning and resources) to support our intentions, and then SAY the right words everyday (action).

When you understand that words are critical to your well-being, you can use that insight to create words that heal for you. The following will help you create a plan to reconfigure your life.

Basic principles and action steps guide you to write a script in first person. To seriously make this to work for you, rewrite the script in second person (pronoun you) and record it electronically. Then listen to your program in your voice every day to make your desires your reality.

It may initially feel awkward listening to your recorded voice if you have not heard it before. Get over it. A little discomfort is necessary for change. If you want to stay comfortable, do nothing. But doing nothing brings you NOTHING in return. Choosing to engage in change means DOING.

Do not expect big changes immediately. Rather, take note of all changes that occur to you, no matter how small. Over time it is surprising how many very small changes accumulate into a big change.

Remember “no guts, no glory”.

Say to yourself something honest and positive. I can get over this. If you really believe what you say, it is honest. I feel better already. If you are honest, it will happen. You begin to feel better immediately.

Refrain from specifically identifying anything you want to reduce or eliminate in your life. Focus rather on positive substitutes for those things. Many people program themselves into failure when they hedge, rationalize or preempt. I will know I have really changed only if…(then stating unlikely conditions). I am sure I won’t win since there are so many talented contestants (which is probably true, but not under personal control). I always mess up under these conditions (Again, likely true. But that’s why you want to experience change.)

Asking for things you want can make you feel guilty if you feel undeserving. The majority culture interprets wanting something for yourself as selfishness. So don’t listen to “them”. The Universe wants you to be happy and healthy. Everyone is a child of God, with tacit permission to be happy. There is nothing wrong with wanting something good for yourself as long as you are not hurting someone else by having it.

Look inside and ask yourself what you truly desire. Be honest. Write it down as a positive statement. Dare to dream. Give up the negative and invest in the positive.  

Your subconscious responds only to the present, there is no past or future. The future is tentative, the past is history. When addressing your subconscious, state your desires in present tense. See what you want as happening NOW, as if you have already received it.

Be careful, what you ask for is what you get. The subconscious interprets abstract ideas literally. So, be clear and specific, with as much detail as possible. Ambiguous language will elicit an ambiguous response if you allow the subconscious to make assumptions. Use clear terms that can have no other meaning.

A desire to simply “feel better” is too indiscriminate. Give your subconscious something honest, positive, and specific to respond to.
For example…during a session with me, one client expressed a desire to own a grand piano. When talking to her several months later, it turns out someone offered her a piano for free. She was a little disappointed, since it was an upright piano, not the “grand” she had expressed an intention for. As she told the story her mood got lighter, “It’s really heavy and it took several large men to get it installed. I was indeed disappointed not to get a ‘grand’, but as I think about it, I really don’t have room for a large piano. AND…after the movers left, I began to clean it, and when I opened the keyboard cover, I noticed the brand name on the inside. The company that makes this piano is the “Grand Piano Company.” So it turns out I actually have my Grand piano.”

Good intentions alone are not sufficient. The subconscious responds best to things that are believable and real. If you have a history of success to draw from use it. Remind yourself it will be easier this time because you have succeeded before.

Do not use conditional statements such as IF…THEN. There is no future for the subconscious. 

The subconscious responds better to action words; verbs.

Be direct. The subconscious does not understand requests. It does not negotiate or debate like the conscious mind.

This is vitally important when responding to a crisis. There isn’t time to negotiate (Would you consider…?), be polite (I’m sorry to have to make you do this, but…), or be indecisive (I think I’d like you to try to…). 

How often do you stop yourself from trying something new because you are afraid of not doing it right? It is an epidemic of the human condition called What if. It arises from the fear of not being good enough. Somehow we aspire to perfection by extraneous standards of quality rather than subscribing to our own sense of perfection. Unrealistic standards mean we will never measure up; we can never be good enough, no matter how hard we try.

Principle 6 advises you to fire all your imaginary judges. Hindsight is your worst enemy. Should haves and could haves kill you faster than cancer. So stop the alibis, excuses, recriminations, rationalizations, etc. You can never know if you are making a perfect decision at any time. You have to be satisfied with making the best choice available at that time. Work with what you have at hand. Do your best; at the time, without prejudging. That is all anyone can ask.

The real crime is in not doing anything simply to avoid making a mistake. As long as your efforts are in the right direction and you act with good intentions, that is good enough. Perfection is doing the best you can, NOW.

These simple rules are immensely powerful in helping to stimulate reprogramming you for the life you desire. Practicing them provides a sense of fluency in the lingo of the subconscious mind. It also leads to greater competence when attempting to help someone. Connecting directly with the subconscious is an efficient way to reframe the problem and sidetrack a state of suffering.